Young Christian with No Friends?

If you clicked on this post because of the title, then I will tell you right now, I know the feeling.

I’ve gone from having a ton of friends, spending all my free time with other people throughout my high school years, to having barely anyone (aside from my now husband and a couple of long time friends) that I can call an actual friend.

How did it happen? Well, aside from the normal, people moving away for college and heading in different directions, it was my new faith that really changed everything for me.

When I gave my life to Christ and decided to follow Him, many people I once hung around all the time started to treat me differently. They didn’t take very well to my new lifestyle.

Things that I used to think were okay to do, no longer were in my eyes, which made it hard to be around. I wasn’t comfortable being who I was anymore.

It was like a switch turned in me and my values completely changed. I found myself unable to participate in any conversations that involved gossip, mocking, anything just inappropriate and ungodly. I found it more and more difficult to be around it. So, I slowly distanced myself and started to pray that God would take away anything that wasn’t good for me anymore and put into my life people who are like-minded and wanted the same kind of relationship with Him that I did.

****I just want to throw in here that I am not saying I have any hatred towards anyone from my past, I have actually come to the point that I can be grateful for all of the good times we did have! Nor am I trying to make this sound overly judge-y or holier-than-thou, but as a Christian, these things became extremely important to me, so it’s just how it went down. It is perfectly okay and healthy to choose not to surround yourself with certain people anymore for various reasons. That’s just how it goes sometimes. There are people who are only meant to be in your life for a season, and then there’s those that are meant to be for life. And that’s perfectly fine!

I went through a long season of confusion and loneliness. This was the first time I had no one other than God to go to. And looking back on it now, I think that is exactly how He wanted it.

Without all of the distractions and emotions involved with being around people who I couldn’t share my love of the Lord with, I was able to finally get to know Him and establish a stronger relationship with Him. It was an extremely difficult time, but also undeniably beautiful.

After a while though, my flesh started to take over and I was getting impatient. I took a walk down the pity trail and got consumed with self-doubt.

All I could think of was how I could get new friendships, ones that were perfect for me. And when it wasn’t happening, I became discouraged and depressed and unknowingly put these walls up that were actually pushing away any chances at making true friendships.

Why did this happen? Pride. Selfishness. Thinking of me, myself and I. The Enemy loves to kick us when we’re down. He loves coming to us in our vulnerable moments. He knew that this was unfamiliar territory for me, being alone. And he used it to make matters even worse. I was blinded to this for the longest time. Letting those same thoughts replay in my head over and over, I slowly became hardened towards people in general.

I was too focused on FINDING friends that I lost sight of trying to BE one.

But how could I possibly say that I deserved something from others, when I wasn’t doing the same back?

How could I expect to get Godly friends in my life, when I couldn’t be one myself? 

And I feel like maybe a lot of us go through that transition. When we lose everyone we thought were close to us and start to see the truth, everything changes. And when we experience times of loneliness or hardship, it can be very easy to become bitter and angry with our circumstances. Many times, that stems from selfishness or impatience.

But if what I’ve gone through means anything, then maybe if we’re putting ourselves in places to meet other Christians, and making attempts to befriend others, and are still feeling extremely lonely, thinking we’ll never make any friends, we might need to take a look at our own hearts. Maybe God has something to show us that we haven’t recognized about ourselves.

Maybe there is still some healing needed to be done. 

God wants us to have friendships. For us to build each other up, hold each other accountable, and share His love with one another. He never intended for us to be isolated. Maybe for a time, but not forever. The way to glorify Him is when others see Him through us. When we spread the gospel to others. When we show others the love of Christ. We can’t do that by being away from people. So, if it’s something He wants for us, then He will make a way for it to happen.

So, remember that there is a reason for this season in your life right now. As hard as it may be to understand it, God is pruning your life. He is taking away those things and people that are not growing you anymore and making space for those that will. It is our job to keep our hearts and minds open to what He is doing.

I would really say, that instead of allowing this season to make you bitter (I know, a lot easier said than done), try to remember that this is the perfect time to start strengthening your one on one relationship with the Lord. Once you do have those friends, there will be more times that you may need to give up your free time for others, you will have other responsibilities.

So, take this alone time you have now to really embrace God and learn about Him as much as you can. Let Him teach you about the kind of friend we need to be. Ask Him to show you your gifts and strengths so you can use them for others down the road. Learn new things. Try new things. Explore. Get to know yourself better.

Think about it this way. This is how things are right now. And we can choose to either resent it, harbor anger in our hearts and have a scowl on our face, or we can choose to find the many positives in it, grow deeply in our faith and as a person and then when the time comes for new friendships, we will be able to give our very best and have a grateful heart.

 

I hope you enjoyed reading this post. If you have any comments or questions, I’d love to hear your thoughts! Subscribe for updates on new posts! 

7 thoughts on “Young Christian with No Friends?

  1. Very interesting post, for me I’m not religious but I really do relate and no one should treat you any differently for your beliefs. It shows really the people that truly are your friends. I learnt that it’s good to be selfish and do what you want otherwise you will never be truly happy xo

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Awesome sharing and it’s true I’m going through it right now. At times I couldn’t understand but in that crisis I got closer to God and I knew He was teaching me something. From the beginning God loves fellowship remembering the garden of Eden. God was looking forward to hearing from Adam. And now God is still looking to fellowship with mankind but we get caught up with the things of the world and neglect God. In this season of being alone I grew closer to God and am learning so many things from the Father and each day I rejoice in His presence and see the world differently through His eyes.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Amen how awesome is that. Whenever we surrender to what He is trying to do in our lives, in this case, the season of solitude, we always come back stronger in our faith and in our relationship with Him! That’s great to hear that even when you didn’t understand, you chose to draw nearer to Him anyway. God is so good!

      Thanks so much for taking the time to read and comment. God bless you.

      Like

  3. What a great post! I definitely know that it is hard to be friends with the world and a Godly Christian at the same time. Something I’ve focused on in the last couple of years is getting involved with churches that have a strong Young Adult presence. It definitely makes a difference.

    I know I had one friend from school who said to me “You’re so social. You have so many friends outside of school.” I really don’t. I hang out with 2 or 3 girls from the YA group at church. But my worldly friends can see a difference compared to their lives.

    Another friend of mine has made comments about something missing in her life and then saying “but we’re supposed to be friends with wordly people.” I definitely think we’re supposed to interact with worldly people and share the good news with them. But we need to get our nourishment from Godly people.

    Wishing you the best in your friendship and journey with God! 🙂 Check out some young adult groups around you! I definitely think you’ll find some awesome people to be friends with! I’ll be praying for you!

    Like

  4. I’ve undergone a similar journey. I kept expecting everyone else to move towards me. What I found instead is that starting conversations and learning the art of them – how to ask the right questions, how to listen when they answer and affirm them – is what gets people latching onto you. Never would have found this stuff if I’d stayed in self-doubt. Great post!

    Like

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