I’ve had a boss since I was 16. At the time, I just wanted to have some freedom to get what I wanted, when I wanted. So getting a standard, minimum-wage paying job was the only option I knew. I was a waitress for 4 years, then went onto working as a cashier at a grocery store, then a bakery clerk, and then back to fast food (Chick-Fil-A).
When I was in my teens, I was A-Okay with these types of jobs because it provided me with some extra cash to pay my small bills and not have to pinch pennies when I was out with my friends.
I never knew what I wanted to do when I left high school, so I just went to my community college to study some different things and hopefully find something I loved. And although I realized a lot of things I DIDN’T enjoy, I was never truly set on a specific career path. So I left school, and continued working in fast food and retail.
I figured, at LEAST I’m able to survive,take care of my bills and occasionally grab a pizza on the way home. But at the same time, I always had this desperate hope in my heart that it would only be temporary, and eventually I’d be doing something where…what do they say again? “I’d never have to work another day in my life”. That was my dream. But, that wasn’t specific enough to me. Was I just being lazy, not wanting to work at these places anymore? I mean come, everyone does it right? They drag themselves through everyday and make it work…
When I say I desperately tried to keep pushing on, I really did you guys. For 8 years! But as the years went on, that sinking in my heart kept getting deeper and deeper. And I felt that God had an entirely different plan for me. I wasn’t meant to just “get by” every day. I don’t believe that is what God wants for ANY of us. My spirit was on the line here.
I found myself in depression, constant exhaustion, withdrawing from everyone and everything. I had no willpower to go on like that anymore. So I finally got on my knees and gave it to God. I had no idea what He wanted me to do, but I knew this wasn’t it anymore.
This idea popped up that I needed to leave my job, and that scared me. I tried telling myself “that’s probably just me. Just something I wish could happen”, but the tug on my heart never left. In fact it only got more intense. At the time, it made no sense for me to leave my job because I was living with my now fiance, (please, kindly leave your judgments at the door!) and we were both working full time to just make ends meet and be able to go on a date once in a while! If I left my job, we weren’t going to make it!
But every time I prayed, it’s like God was telling me “I have a purpose for you, do you trust me?” and of course I would say “Yes, Lord!” but deep down, I really wasn’t sure about the whole thing. So I asked God to put it on my fiance’s heart if this is what He really wanted. I wanted to know that if I was making a big decision like that, that we’d both be on the same page.
At the time, my fiance had a lot on his plate already and we were going through some pretty big stuff. And I had brought up to him about me leaving my job once before when I was stressed, and he seemed nervous about the whole thing. So I figured, yeah he totally won’t be on board with this, and that will give me my answer!
But…the next day when I asked my fiance what he thought about me leaving and focusing on what God has been putting on my heart, in a completely calm & relaxed tone, he said “I think you should do it.”….I was in complete shock. Of course I came back with “wait, seriously? Like do you think we’d even be able to make it?” and he just said “we’ll make it work.”
Immediately, I thanked God for answering my prayer, but now I had no idea how to go about this! I was about to be without a steady, weekly wage, and that was terrifying to me! I wanted to help bring in the money. I felt like I’d become a burden. I wasn’t used to relying on anyone else for anything. But again, I kept hearing “Trust me”.
So I did. My fiance and I talked about it some more that day, but it was settled, I was leaving my job and going to work for myself from home. I put in my 2 weeks that next day. To say that the whole thing took a toll on me for a while is an understatement. When you make a huge choice and transition like that, you go through a lot of mental and emotional changes.
I had lots of doubts and insecurities that I brought up to my fiance, and each time he confirmed to me that this was the right choice. There have been times when I’ve been so discouraged, and feeling bad for my fiance having to take over, that I’d just get online to start looking for jobs, and then he would say “Please don’t do that. We’ve got this. I believe in you.”
The fact that he cares so much about my happiness and freedom to create & work for myself, continues to confirm why he is someone I want to spend the rest of my life with. God is showing me His love through this man daily, and helps me to strengthen my trust in Him when I start to fall.
I can’t say that I’ve got everything figured out right now. Or that God has put anything specific onto my heart that He wants me to do since leaving my job a few months ago. But what I do know is that with this freedom to tap into my creativity and entrepreneurial spirit, and time to spend with God alone studying His word and listening to Him, I’ve come to realize a few things…
- I have gifts that I never would have known about had I not had this time away.
- I have a LOT to learn, and He has a LOT to work on in me.
- He took me out of my job, not because I couldn’t handle it, but because He wanted something so much MORE for me.
- Working from home doesn’t make me a burden. I get to cultivate a peaceful, warm, inviting atmosphere for when my fiance gets home, while managing our system to keep our relationship with each other and God thriving, planning out events & projects we’d like to take on, as well as managing my businesses and freelance projects! God has helped me to see those things I was once so insecure about, in a new light.
There are some that do thoroughly thrive in and enjoy their jobs outside of the home! In fact, every time I go to the bookstore and sit by the cafe to read a bit, there is an employee (who seems to practically live there!) who always has a cheerful attitude with every customer, chatting up about life and smiling away. That woman is a blessing to the people around her, and God is using her in such a simple yet beautiful way.
So if that sounds like you, stay where you are! Don’t feel the need to leave, God could be using you in ways you may not even realize! But for me personally, although this has been quite a roller coaster so far, it has also been one of the BIGGEST blessings in my life. It is also giving me the time, freedom and creativity to be a blessing to others, which again in turn blesses me.
If you take anything at all out of this, I hope it’s this…God has a plan for your life, whether you have an idea of what that is or not yet. It might be scary to trust when you have no idea where it will lead you, and it may come along with some scary, discouraging, hard moments. It was never promised that this journey would be easy or without some painful times. But it is always worth it!
So don’t just follow your heart, give it to God, and follow Him! He knows why you were created, so He knows what is best for you. You CAN trust Him. Be blessed 🙂
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